God's Form

GOD'S TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE

Manufacturers of God would like to thank you for your belief in and patronage of our products. In order to better serve your needs, we ask that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential*, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

* Except from the Omniscient.

How did you hear about God ?

Newspaper	Television	Word of mouth
Bible	Torah	Bhagavad-Gita
Burning Shrubbery	Communist Manifesto	Tabloid
Near Death Experience	Koran

Which model did you acquire ?

Yaweh	Allah	Jesus
Satan	None of the above	I was taken by a false God

Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes ?

If your answer to the above was no, please describe.

What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a god?

Please check all that apply.

Indoctrinated by parents Indoctrinated by society Needed a day away from work

Wanted to meet girls/boys Wanted to piss off parents Like Organ Music

Imaginary friend grew up Needed a reason to live my guardian angel

Hate to think for myself Desperate need for certainty Need to feel Morally Superior

My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it Needed focus in who to despise Fear of murder by a missionary

                       	                      			

Have you ever worshipped a God before? If so, which false god were you fooled by?

Please check all that apply.
Odin Cthulhu Zeus Ra

Apollo Barn T.B.P.D. Bill Clinton The Bomb

Left Wing The great Spirit The Sun The Moon

Liberalism The Almighty Dollar The Great Pumpkin A burning cabbage

                 	

Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God?

Please check all that apply.

Tarot Lottery Astrology Television

Ann Landers Fortune cookies Mantras Pyramids

Biorhythms Bill Clinton Jimmy Swaggert Barney T.B.P.D.

Self-help books Tea Leaves Crystals Barney Fife

Dianetics EST Burning Shrubs sheep intestines

Palmistry Human Sacrifice Wandering around a desert Insurance policies

Psychic Friends Network Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll Playboy and/or Playgirl

                       	                  	                               	  
 				           		   
 		   			 

God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.

Which would you prefer? (choose one)

More Divine Intervention
Less Divine Intervention
Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
Don't know...what's Divine Intervention

God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles.

Please rate on a scale of 1-5 his handling of the following :

Disasters :

Flood 1 2 3 4 5

Famine 1 2 3 4 5

Earthquake 1 2 3 4 5

War 1 2 3 4 5

Pestilence 1 2 3 4 5

Plague 1 2 3 4 5

AOL 1 2 3 4 5

Windows 95 or 98 1 2 3 4 5

Rescues 1 2 3 4 5

Miracles :

spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5

stars hovering over towns 1 2 3 4 5

crying statues 1 2 3 4 5

water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5

walking on water (except Cuyahoga) 1 2 3 4 5

talking flaming shrubbery 1 2 3 4 5

VCR that sets its own clock 1 2 3 4 5

Sadam Husein still alive 1 2 3 4 5

Marlins winning the Series 1 2 3 4 5

Clinton's re-election 1 2 3 4 5

Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary)

Name
E-Mail

Indoctrinated by parents	Indoctrinated by society	Needed a day away from work
Wanted to meet girls/boys	Wanted to piss off parents	Like Organ Music
Imaginary friend grew up	Needed a reason to live	my guardian angel
Hate to think for myself	Desperate need for certainty	Need to feel Morally Superior
My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it	Needed focus in who to despise	Fear of murder by a missionary

Odin	Cthulhu	Zeus	Ra
Apollo	Barn T.B.P.D.	Bill Clinton	The Bomb
Left Wing	The great Spirit	The Sun	The Moon
Liberalism	The Almighty Dollar	The Great Pumpkin	A burning cabbage

Tarot	Lottery	Astrology	Television
Ann Landers	Fortune cookies	Mantras	Pyramids
Biorhythms	Bill Clinton	Jimmy Swaggert	Barney T.B.P.D.
Self-help books	Tea Leaves	Crystals	Barney Fife
Dianetics	EST	Burning Shrubs	sheep intestines
Palmistry	Human Sacrifice	Wandering around a desert	Insurance policies
Psychic Friends Network	Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll	Playboy and/or Playgirl

Flood	1 2 3 4 5
Famine	1 2 3 4 5
Earthquake	1 2 3 4 5
War	1 2 3 4 5
Pestilence	1 2 3 4 5
Plague	1 2 3 4 5
AOL	1 2 3 4 5
Windows 95 or 98	1 2 3 4 5
Rescues	1 2 3 4 5

spontaneous remissions	1 2 3 4 5
stars hovering over towns	1 2 3 4 5
crying statues	1 2 3 4 5
water changing to wine	1 2 3 4 5
walking on water (except Cuyahoga)	1 2 3 4 5
talking flaming shrubbery	1 2 3 4 5
VCR that sets its own clock	1 2 3 4 5
Sadam Husein still alive	1 2 3 4 5
Marlins winning the Series	1 2 3 4 5
Clinton's re-election	1 2 3 4 5