Nov. 13, 1996: Mr. Fishe, the man pictured to the left, is dangerous.
Although the local authorities have been notified, we are making
this special web page to alert the general public on the Internet.
Mr. Fishe was last seen roaming the seemingly innocent streets of
Park Slope, Brooklyn, searching for mailboxes full of junque mail to
ravage. There are also reports of encounters in the darker alleys of
the Internet and in practically every back street bar in New York.
He can be recognized easily because he always wears baggy shorts
regardless of the weather (and, the rumor is, doesn't wear any
underwear). He also suffers from gout, but painful as it is, that's
almost something to be proud of, especially if you are only 35 or so--
implies dissolution on a classic scale. |
Unfortunately, this doesn't really look like him that much.
Dec. 36, 1996: Groblet Fishkin was (will be) apprehended at the 12th Street Bar after eating a dozen copies of the 12th St. News and washing it down with 12 shots of Jaegermeister (he is a practicing Duodecarian Parsee). He made the fatal mistake of signing his credit card bill with an 'X' (as Mr. Fishe had done in the past). Under intense questioning, Fishkin broke down, sweat rolling through his greasy locks. With a dazed look on his face, Fishkin admitted his guilt, repeatedly stammering the names Susu and Jennyo, which leads us into conspirarcy theories.
"They made me do it."
Mr. Fishe has been cleared of all charges. "Groblet is just an amateur catfish," he said. "Nobody will ever catch me doing anything so crude as to eat junque mail. I have other ways to deal with it."
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