[MUGSHOT] Nov. 13, 1996: Mr. Fishe, the man pictured to the left, is dangerous. Although the local authorities have been notified, we are making this special web page to alert the general public on the Internet. Mr. Fishe was last seen roaming the seemingly innocent streets of Park Slope, Brooklyn, searching for mailboxes full of junque mail to ravage. There are also reports of encounters in the darker alleys of the Internet and in practically every back street bar in New York. He can be recognized easily because he always wears baggy shorts regardless of the weather (and, the rumor is, doesn't wear any underwear). He also suffers from gout, but painful as it is, that's almost something to be proud of, especially if you are only 35 or so-- implies dissolution on a classic scale.

Unfortunately, this doesn't really look like him that much.

Do not, under any circumstances, try to apprehend this person. He is known for his deadly sarcasm and has literally irritated people to death. Call the Fish & Game Police at (718) BIN-FSHN and duck out of sight. (Be on the lookout for his accomplice, one Groblet 'Big Mac' Fishkin, who is a notorious consumer of junque mail.)


Dec. 36, 1996: Groblet Fishkin was (will be) apprehended at the 12th Street Bar after eating a dozen copies of the 12th St. News and washing it down with 12 shots of Jaegermeister (he is a practicing Duodecarian Parsee). He made the fatal mistake of signing his credit card bill with an 'X' (as Mr. Fishe had done in the past). Under intense questioning, Fishkin broke down, sweat rolling through his greasy locks. With a dazed look on his face, Fishkin admitted his guilt, repeatedly stammering the names Susu and Jennyo, which leads us into conspirarcy theories.

"They made me do it."

Mr. Fishe has been cleared of all charges. "Groblet is just an amateur catfish," he said. "Nobody will ever catch me doing anything so crude as to eat junque mail. I have other ways to deal with it."


Please click on the fish icon to express your opinions to Mr. FISHE (but remember, he is still a dangerous man).


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A brief Christian homily in honor of that cardinal that just died in Chicago (well, Nov 1996)

God(s)-- Madam or Sir, save us from doing stupid things and forgive us our trespassasses -- lo let thy trethpathee travelleth not upon thy trapeethe (don't ask what that means, it makes just as much sense as the Bible). Let all the unbelievers linger in total confusion as to thy Will which cannot be probated, not even by the Dream Team. But Deliver us from Damnation, because we can't help it. Bless us, dear sir (or madam), and may thou travel well on your journeys through the minds of those who try to define thee. In the meantime, I really could use a nice Lotto Win (for thy glory and honor of course--after all, there are no Treasures in Heaven so it should not be begrudged here on Earth, dammit). Amen.



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